To love and be loved in return

Looking back, I still can count the number of potential boyfriends in my head and I do so with a smile. One particular potential, I'll call him, Luke, for the sake of anonymity. Luke was very helpful in bringing me back to NYC, because we kind of liked each other and we made out post-Burningman. So he was going to visit his ex in Thailand, which meant that I could stay at his place for a month--enough time to look for a job and get re-established. My brother also has a couch, which I could stay in for a month at most. It was almost a fool-proof plan. Except, the economy tanked and it was very difficult to get a job. I also didn't really feel like getting a job. My job interview skills needed polishing and sharpening. Luke was wealthy, enough to jokingly say that if I needed or was looking for a sugar daddy, I need not look further. Perhaps, I was giving off the vibes that I was looking for a sugar daddy. But he made it difficult, like I have to work to get him. But I was also a catch in my own mind. Unfocused. To catch a sugar-daddy husband, you have to be focused. But I didn't want a sugar-daddy. I wanted to love and be loved in return.